AM I TOO OLD FOR A GAP YEAR?

The backstabbing bastard colleague making my life hell finally got to me. I couldn’t fight him or the system that supported him any longer. I lacked the will, the calm—and frankly, it all seemed pointless. Somewhere along the line, I’d lost my spark, that smile, that glint in my eye. I sure as hell wasn’t going to find it in that job.

In that haze of exhaustion, I fell into a heap. A friend called it ‘taking a gap year,’ and suddenly, this concept, often reserved for adventurous youth, felt like the most sensible decision I could make. It was a lifeline—an invitation to step back, breathe, and rediscover what truly mattered.

This was the break I should have taken after surviving the pressure cooker of final school exams at 17, the one I desperately needed when my marriage broke down at 35, and the one I should have embraced when I was made redundant during the pandemic at 46. Instead of allowing myself those necessary pauses, I just kept going, convinced that was what functioning people did.

Frustratingly, I thought I was doing everything right. I had focused on my physical health, pouring energy into exercise and ensuring my fridge was stocked with fresh food. I made friends and found time to be social, surrounding myself with arts, theatre, and travel—things that inspired me and expanded my world and I worked hard at it.

“I wasn’t the ‘fine’ I told everyone I was.”

But even with these enriching experiences, I wasn’t the ‘fine’ I told everyone I was. I was peri-menopausal, reliving negative memories, and allowing limiting stories in my head to take hold. I’d lost sight of my own needs amid the noise of my life.

The gap year (or rather 7 months) I eventually took wasn’t easy or perfect; it arose from panic and anger rather than calm. I didn’t know how long it would last or how long I could support myself without working. However, I knew I had to pause, listen to the voice inside, and navigate the frustration and fears that came with that process.

Gap years are a time to discover who you are and what you want. They provide a chance to try new things, question the status quo, and ask yourself, "Why am I doing this? What do I truly want? Does this work for me? Did I ever want this life, or did someone tell me that this is how life should be?"

There’s no time or age limit on taking a gap year, or 4 days, or 3 weeks, or 7 months. It’s never too late. It’s not about being unproductive; it’s about stepping out, taking a pause, and giving yourself space to breathe and reflect—rebuilding your strength and clarity, connecting with yourself, and setting a course for a life that feels more like you.

Sometimes, doing less is the only way to come back stronger.